Thirty days. For thirty days I have been living with my cancer diagnosis.
While everything in our life has been flipped on its head, for brief moments I think I am pre-cancer Dave with my pre-cancer aware family.
That Dave is not going back-and-forth to the doctor’s for every conceivable test or exam every other day (so it seems). That Dave is going to work, going for a run or bike ride, and looking forward to his family getting back from Italy.
I was supposed to be doing something else right now; what I don’t know. But I was not supposed to be slowly recovering from my first chemo session in preparation for my upcoming sessions and surgery.
Becoming a cancer survivor is what I am meant to do and what I am meant to be.
However, the journey to becoming a survivor is very surreal.
My wife asked the other day what going through chemo feels like. I was at a loss for words (amazing, I know – she relished the moment, too, and reminds me of it often).
Chemo doesn’t feel great (duh!). But, it is not just physical discomfort and pain and side effects. It is as much psychological as it is physical.
Chemo makes me feel like…not-me or other me. Not in a weird Coraline “other-mother” way. Rather, I feel that I am living in an alternate universe…kind of like that Coraline movie. Simple to understand, right?
Like I said, it is hard to put into words. What I do know is that the chemo is making a new-me. Survivor me.
Thirty days down, a lifetime to go. I’m ready!
Twentythree/5 